Friday, December 31, 2010

A Whole Bunch of Jokes at Once


Born and raised in the St. Paul area, Mitch Hedberg decided to start his own comedy career in South Florida. Not so much for the comedy scene, but for the sun. His landlord would drive him up and down the coast from club to club in his pick-up truck where Mitch would lie down in the back to avoid any of the negative conversations his landlord would try to have with him.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Mitch developed his style in Florida and decided to try it out on different audiences. He moved to Seattle and toured throughout the Pacific Northwest honing his act in front of the new audiences. While in Los Angeles, Mitch booked his first television appearance on MTV’s “Comikaze” by walking into the MTV offices and personally pitching himself to the talent coordinator.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

It took him more than a few years to come up with a good deal of material, and he also needed to conquer his stage fright, which was so intense it left a mark on him all through his career.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Hedberg appeared on The Late Show with David Letter-man 10 times, and became one of the most successful American comedians.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying "here you throw this away."

Mitch Hedberg was known to be a recreational drug user. In May 2003 he was arrested in Austin, Texas for possession of heroin. In 2004, Hedberg's drug use seemed to spiral out of control. At a performance in Phoenix, Arizona on September 23, Hedberg appeared on stage intoxicated, nearly col- lapsed and asked the audience for drugs, which he then orally ingested in front of the crowd.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

At several other performances he openly asked the audience for "any drugs" they might have, including Xanax and other prescription drugs.

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

Early in the morning on March 30, 2005, Hedberg was found dead in a New Jersey hotel room, reportedly from heart failure. He was 37 years old.

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

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