Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Palin Machine


Could Sarah Palin, half-term Alaskan governor, failed vice-president candidate and Fox News celebrity, actually be a advanced humanoid robot? This was the hot topic under debate at a conference of robotic engineers, android in November 2010.

"I am convinced that Sarah Palin- the person we know as Palin, I mean- does not really exist. The person who was once Palin has been replaced by what we call an android." claimed Dr. Frederick Berthnal of Hanso Intelligent Designs of Groverfeld, Texas. Berthnal made this startling charge while speaking at the 15th annual conference for Robotic Design and Innovation at Expo 2010 in Houston, Texas.

"Child-robot with  Biomimetic  Body," or CB2,


After reviewing Berthnal's data, many of the world's top researchers in the field agreed with the basic theory. They unanimously concurred that the overall appearance of the Palin robot is incredibly convincing and its ability to interact with humans is inspiring to say the least. 

Scientists and specialists from many different fields have been working toward the goal of a robot that can both understand and reason and behave exactly like a human. The Palin machine, in Berthnal's view, is another step in this evolution and shows how precisely how far this technology developed.

"Of course, the Palin machine is flawed. Yet, the fact that only people who have researched robotics for years can distinguish between the human and the humanoid is certainly impressive."


"It makes sense. It explains a lot."


Senior Research Scientist, Dr. Gene Calvin from the University of Texas at Arlington said, "It makes sense. It explains a lot. If you watch Palin closely, her speeches and her interviews, you'll come to the same conclusion. For instance, the way her 'folksy' accent seemed to change throughout the 2008 campaign. People I spoke to said that that was because technicians had to tweak the voice module and the artificial larynx accentuators until it sounded convincing."


Director of Cybora Labs, Peter Shumo of the Tokyo University of Science remarks, "One of the things you notice if you look over her interviews is a real lack of empathy in her expressions and the tone of voice is distinctly flat when it comes to emotional depth. Those are just things that can't be faked. We have been trying for years. But, to give credit to whomever built this model of android, the Palin machine can 'mimic' human behavior extraordinarily well."

"I've seen this machine pretty close up," reports Tofu Harikari senior robotic engineer at The Waseda University in Japan, "and I can tell you that some of the hydraulics and the Pneumatic actuators need to be slightly quieter, especially when it sits or walks quickly to avoid reporter's questions. I think we in Japan might have built a better Palin."


The covert use of a robot replacement is not without its potential problems. While many were amused by the corny winking and the kiss-blowing during the 2008 vice presidential debates, some of Berthnal's supporters found her over the top behavior a sign of something seriously wrong with the mechanism of the android. Insiders in the McCain campaign were alarmed and suspicious and rumor had it at the time that electronic interference in the studio might have been responsible for the weird mannerisms on-stage. "We couldn't figure out what was going on, at first."


There are quite a few skeptics to this Palin Machine theory. Namely, Professor Augustus Von Sevelt of the University of Hanover in Germany.

"Poppycock," scoffs the professor. "Where's the evidence? I admit what the woman may not be normal or mentally stable but it doesn't mean that she is a robot? I think not. That's carrying things a bit far." Despite the handful of naysayers, and doubting Thomases, the theory is beginning to make a great deal of political sense.

So who could be behind this robot-to-human deception? Just who would have the technology, the resources and the desire to perpetrate such a hoax on the American public. And why?

Experts In Berthnal's camp speculate that it could be a collaboration between the Chinese and a breakaway faction of the Republican party. The goal? The first completely artificial president of the United States. 

As Political analyst Charlene Devine notes,"After all, given the other candidates in the GOP, why not see if a robot can do better? Let's face it, Newt Gingrich for president?" Seriously?"

Disclaimer: Nomadic View cannot vouch for the accuracy of the information in it blog posts. This blog is not an new gathering organization, fair and balanced or otherwise, Its posts are aimed primarily at entertainment and not for education.

1 comment:

  1. Sociopaths and psychopaths DO function like machines, but with primitive human emotional functions--they only have the "reptile brain" not the more evolved human brain.


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