Goddess for the Stone Age

In an article in September 2010 issue of Anthro Magazine, Professors Iris McCase and Philip DeGloss reveal the existence of the Shaka, a primitive tribe in Sub-Saharan Africa who worship a female deity that called "Sah-Rah Pah-Lan." "At first, we assumed it was merely a strange coincidence." reports Prof. McCase. "However, when tribal leaders proudly displayed their life-sized brightly painted idols we recognized the resemblance instantly. It was definitely Sarah Palin's likeness. They were kind enough to let us take photographs on a statue they had carved of their supreme goddess."

Carved figure of the White Goddess, Sah-Ra-Pa-Lan

"Since the construction of the Omigot Dam to the north of the area in the 1970s, the tribe has been cut off from all outside contact. Therefore we cannot attribute this coincidence to cultural cross-contamination." The Shaka have lived in their present primitive condition for the last thousand and have no wish to join the larger world. Their isolationist ideas are matched only by their aggressive attitudes to foreign interference. Strangely enough, the Shaka are not above forming gangs and raiding villages to obtain scarce resources.

Speaking through a translator, Tribal Chief Rik-ush LimBo told the investigators, "We worship the white goddess, Sah-Ra Pah-Lan. She is the Mother of the Universe and Bringer of all sweetness. We wish for her to come down from her throne in the sky and lead us."

"The Goddess Sah-Ra-Pah-Lan lives in a sky village called 'Wizz-Zalla'"

The similarities to the former politician, however, do not stop there. For example, according to the researchers, the Goddess Sah-Ra pah-lan lives in a sky village called Wizz-Zalla. According to Shaka mythology, the goddess lives with her companion Towad and her large half-human, half animal off-spring. Her brood fly around the village creating all sorts of mischief, according to the religious legends of the Shaka.

As Prof. DeGloss pointed out, "During many of the colorful dance rituals- which often include blood-letting and body-piercing- the entire tribe will gather in a huge circle, drop to the knees in a orgiastic frenzy and shout 'Oh, Ub Etcha.'" DeGloss and a team of anthropologists intend to return to the heavily forested region sometime before the end of 2012, when the tribe has promised to 'take the jungle back' from their long-despised enemies.

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As a disclaimer, Nomadic View makes no claims for the authenticity of the articles. The articles are merely meant to be enjoyed for their entertainment value. Tabloid articles on famous people like Sarah Palin, are probably not factual but then, have you ever seen a factual tabloid news story?

LiveJournal Tags: Sarah Palin,satire,fake news,Africa

Sarah’s Secret

“The Trilateral Commission, in 1993, adopted a new protocol stating that ‘due to the lowering intelligence of the average American, and the poor genetic pool, ALL American presidents will now be selected OUTSIDE of the United States.’ Obama from Kenya. McCain-(their original choice) from Panama.
But- and here is the scoop to end all scoops. Sarah Palin was NOT.. repeat NOT.. born in the USA as she has repeatedly claimed. Her real name is Sarah but her last name is Pa-Ling. She was smuggled into Alaska on a Japanese whaling vessel in 1970. You may think this is a joke.. but here is the proof. “
Everybody knows, “You Betcha” in Chinese (Yo Bet choo Wa) means “I destroy Capitalist America with nonsense salad made of words.”
Coincidence? Really?

LiveJournal Tags: Sarah Palin,humor

Bristol’s Pregnancy, Abstinence and Lemons

Bristol Palin, the 18-year old daughter of Alaska governor, Sarah Palin is making news, it seems. She has been appointed as a teen ambassador for the Candle Foundation because " because she believes she could be a living example of the consequences of teen pregnancy, which is foundation's mission."  http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=7510385&page=1

"Regardless of what I did personally, I just think that abstinence is the only ... 100 percent foolproof way to prevent pregnancy," she is quoted as saying.

This kind of mild hypocrisy is part of the problem. Abstinence is the solution that married couples, celibate popes, asexual Neo-cons, the hyper-religious and, as in this case, the repentant love to promote. Abstinence is always a fine solution for other people. And abstinence is always a fine solution in hind-sight. I mean, really, it is pretty easy to be a negative role model. Just about anybody can do that. I already have about 3 subjects covered myself.

A drunk warning about the dangers of alcohol and a drug addict confessing about all the terrible things he/she did to get a fix never impressed me much. It sounded too much like bragging and not even in an honest way. 

Bristol is probably a good kid and I wish all the best. However, reducing this argument to merely a debate over choices will never solve anything. At the end of the day, youth wants to experience life and as far as experiences go, sex is on my personal top ten. Also, not a bad activity when you are on budget or rather an allowance. All around the young people of today, in films, in music, in advertising, they see that life is a sexual thing.  The message says that A sexual being is a complete person. It is a sad fact that a virgin, according to the society we live in, is a pathetic thing, an outsider, somebody inexperienced and therefore lacking in a key aspect of life. It is regrettable  that we should be led to think this way. But that’s the message young people get -are getting like a timpani drum in their adolescent ears morning, noon and night.

Tackle the flood of mixed messages and you might go a long way in addressing the problem. At the very least, parents might try teaching their children self-control, self-discipline and the consequences of your actions at the very earliest age. Lord, I sound so old-fashioned but is there any other way? Sometime in the 1970s, (I don’t know the exact date) parents simply stopped saying no. They walked off the job and never came back.

"It's a 24-hour job and that's a huge responsibility," she said. "Your priorities completely change once you have a baby."

But wait a second. That would be true in any case, whether you are a teenager or a middle aged woman with a new baby. So isn't this statement anti-family? Why isn't she talking about how having a baby at a very young age may cause you to lose a lot of opportunities in life? Probably this would limit-by about 90%- her mother's voter pool.  Unless your parents are rich and generous, or governor, even, you’d better curtail that dreaming about a wonderful future if you have a baby in tow. On the other hand, perhaps Bristol never saw first-hand her mother change any priorities with a new baby. Even before she became pregnant, I had trouble understanding whose baby poor Bristol had to tote from rally to rally during the campaign.

"I don't see myself as a celebrity; I don't want to be one," she said. "But I think using this experience in my life to help others, I think it's a blessing."

I get it. This is the lemons from lemonade part of the interview. No. You are not a celebrity, Bristol and this is merely an attempt to solve a political problem for your mother.

Sarah Palin- Prank Phone Calls

A Montreal radio station recently pulled a prank on Sarah Palin, it seems. Here is the result. This is possibly one of the most humiliating experiences a politician could possibly have. It is so devastating that it is hard to imagine her embarrassment. What kind of people does she have working for her there?  Check it out for yourselves and please leave you comments

Sarah Palin Prank Phone Call Transcript

Sarah Palin: This is Sarah.

Masked Avengers: Ah, yeah, Gov. Palin.

Palin: Hello.

Avengers: Just hold on for President Sarkozy, one moment.

P: Oh, it’s not him yet, they’re saying. I always do that.

A: Yes, hello, Gov. Palin.

P: Hello, this is Sarah, how are you?

A: Fine, and you? This is Nicolas Sarkozy speaking, how are you?

P: Oh, it’s so good to hear you. Thank you for calling us.

A: Oh, it’s a pleasure.

P: Thank you sir, we have such great respect for you, John McCain and I. We love you and thank you for taking a few minutes to talk to me.

A: I follow your campaigns closely with my special American adviser Johnny Hallyday( Fact check: actually a french singer / actor who does Elvis impersonations), you know?

P: Yes, good.

A: Excellent. Are you confident?

P: Very confident and we’re thankful that polls are showing that the race is tightening and…

A: Well I know very well that the campaign can be exhausting. How do you feel right now, my dear?

P: I feel so good. I feel like we’re in a marathon and at the very end of the marathon you get your second wind and you plow to the finish.

A: You see, I got elected in France because I’m real and you seem to be someone who’s real, as well.

P: Yes, yeah. Nico, we so appreciate this opportunity.

A: You know I see you as a president one day, too.

P: Maybe in eight years.

A: Well, I hope for you. You know, we have a lot in common because personally one of my favourite activities is to hunt, too.

P: Oh, very good. We should go hunting together.

A: Exactly, we could try go hunting by helicopter like you did. I never did that. Like we say in French, onpourrait tuer des bebe phoque s, aussi.(Translation: “One could kill out all the baby seals, too”.)

P: Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we’re getting work done. We can kill two birds with one stone that way.

A: I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun. I’d really love to go, so long as we don’t bring along Vice-President Cheney.

P: No, I’ll be a careful shot, yes.

A: Yes, you know we have a lot in common also, because except from my house I can see Belgium. That’s kind of less interesting than you.

P: Well, see, we’re right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes.

A: Some people said in the last days and I thought that was mean that you weren’t experienced enough in foreign relations and you know that’s completely false. That’s the thing that I said to my great friend, the prime minister of Canada Stef Carse…(FACT CHECK: Not prime minister - but a singer - shouldn’t she know who the PM of Canada really is, though?).

P: Well, he’s doing fine, too, and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder.

A: I was wondering because you are so next to him, one of my good friends, the prime minister of Quebec, Mr. Richard Z. Sirois (Fact check: Quebec comedian and radio host), have you met him recently? Did he come to one of your rallies?

P: I haven’t seen him at one of the rallies but it’s been great working with the Canadian officials. I know as governor we have a great co-operative effort there as we work on all of our resource-development projects. You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife. Oh my goodness, you’ve added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours.

A: Thank you very much. You know my wife Carla would love to meet you, even though you know she was a bit jealous that I was supposed to speak to you today.

P: Well, give her a big hug for me.

A: You know my wife is a popular singer and a former top model and she’s so hot in bed. She even wrote a song for you.

P: Oh my goodness, I didn’t know that.

A: Yes, in French it’s called de rouge a levre sur un cochon, or if you prefer in English, Joe the Plumber…it’s his life, Joe the Plumber. (Really translates to: “of lipstick on a pig”)

P: Maybe she understands some of the unfair criticism but I bet you she is such a hard worker, too, and she realizes you just plow through that criticism.

A: I just want to be sure. That phenomenon Joe the Plumber. That’s not your husband, right?

P: That’s not my husband but he’s a normal American who just works hard and doesn’t want government to take his money.

A: Yes, yes, I understand we have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It’s called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit.

P: Right, that’s what it’s all about, the middle class and government needing to work for them. You’re a very good example for us here.

A: I see a bit about NBC, even Fox News wasn’t an ally as much as usual.

P: Yeah, that’s what we’re up against.

A: Gov. Palin, I love the documentary they made on your life. You know Hustler’s Nailin’ Paylin? (Fact Check: A Porn Parody on Sarah Pailin. )

P: Ohh, good, thank you, yes.

A: That was really edgy.

P: Well, good.

A: I really loved you and I must say something also, governor, you’ve been pranked by the Masked Avengers. We are two comedians from Montreal.

P: Ohhh, have we been pranked? And what radio station is this?

A: CKOI in Montreal.

P: In Montreal? Tell me the radio station call letters.

A: CK…hello?

The Best Thing that came out of this Election Year